Growth mindset - Lay low until your comeback

Mindset is the driving force that makes us act, react, take action, or stops us in our tracks.

Our mindset is running in the back of our thoughts at all times. It’s where all of our innermost thoughts live; it’s where we hide our insecurities, our doubts, our fears, and our convictions; it’s where our confidence comes from, and where we draw from our past experiences to determine how to move forward or make the next decision.

Some of our mindsets are healthy, because they’ve been formed in a healthy and productive way, but some of us have what I call a protective mindset.

"PROTECTIVE MINDSET"

A protective mindset is a negative thought that's meant to shield us from getting hurt any further. It's formed from a negative emotion that results from a negative experience, and it's our brain's way of self-protection. It could have been formed due to a traumatic childhood experience, or perhaps a more recent event, such as a divorce, a devastating breakup, getting fired from a job, a conflict with a boss or colleague, losing a loved one or a close friend, a stressful move…the list could go on.

The negative emotion could result in thoughts such as:

“This person abandoned me. Therefore I have to be guarded with who I give my love and attention to, so that it won't happen again."

“My first boss told me that my work is below average, so I must not be good in this career so I won’t try any harder."

“My best friend told me that I’m annoying and talk too much, so people must not want to hear what I have to say.”

Or, even “my ex-husband never supported my dreams and thinks that I won’t be able to accomplish anything. He must have been right”.

“All the men that I’ve dated have turned out to only want sex or treated me poorly. All men must behave this way, so I must be more guarded in the future”.

These types of thoughts lead to insecurities that stop you from reaching your true potential. Therefore, the protective thoughts lead to inaction, and prevents you from going for that job promotion, or approaching that group of people at a new church, or establishing healthy boundaries in a new dating relationship.

OVERCOMER

First, be sure to forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know. It may or may not be your fault that you experienced negative things in your past. However you can’t stay in that negative thought mindset. The protective thoughts are only a way for your brain to protect and heal from danger. But once you’re out of danger, it’s your responsibility to overcome those thoughts. Just know that things will get better if you put in the time and work.

So what does that mean? The thing about mindsets are that they belong only to us. No one gave them to us and no one can take them away. They were formed from our own experiences, and experiences can and do change all the time. We just have to be mindful about creating new ones. If you’ve never had someone show you how to overcome these thoughts, then search for individuals who are where you want to be.

How, you ask? One way to start is by seeking outside help. I'm a strong advocate for therapy. Professionals are great for guiding you and can help you overcome these insecurities. Another way is to seek out and connect with people who are successful in their careers, healthy married couples, and those with strong friendship groups. Find a person or people who will support and encourage you. Or possibly even seek out a mentor to guide you in your career or other areas where you'd like help.

These individuals can help guide you towards a healthy journey, change your mindset and overcome insecurities. Learn from these individuals and commit yourself to learning, growing, increasing, and overcoming. You don't have to announce to everyone all that you're doing and why. Start with being honest with yourself, then bringing those people towards you as you continue to work on yourself.

TESTS WILL COME

When you have a growth mindset, you’ll start to see the universe respond until your comeback, but you’ll be put to the test. You'll be introduced to new situations that will test your new boundaries, your skills, and your insecurities. These situations aren’t there to punish you. They are there for you to practice your new skillset.

Most importantly, move quietly and quickly. Don’t hesitate when new experiences present themselves. They are meant to help you grow. It may feel that the test is harder than anything you’ve experienced, but that’s because your skills have increased and you’re able to handle more. Embrace the tough experiences, ask God for guidance, and continue to keep moving forward.

On the other side of the hardship, you’ll come out strengthened and with a new found confidence in yourself.

CREATING THE NEW YOU

So stick to those new boundaries. Ask for that promotion at work. Approach that new group of friends. Set those boundaries with that new relationship, or maybe even leave altogether. If he doesn’t respect them, then he doesn’t respect you and shouldn’t have any more of your time. The point being is that the power and the strength lies within you. No one else gave you those thoughts, and no one else can get rid of them.

You have the power to create the life that you want in a way that will serve you. You have the strength within you to create the healthy mindset and everything else will fall into place. You have to tell the universe that you are intentional about changing that negative thought or feeling, then you have to put in the work. The universe will respond. Go and get your dreams, your goals. Start living for you.

“Faith without works is dead” (James 2: 14-22 NIV). You can’t ask God to strengthen you in some way without being through a test, and He won’t help you heal unless you start to do the hard work.

Love,

Momma Naturalista