When I became a mother, everything in my life changed, and rightly so. My status in the world changed from woman to mother. I no longer had my own identity. I no longer was in this world on my own, but rather my life was now dedicated to taking care of another life.
But where did that young woman go who loved spontaneous car trips?
Who loved staying out late trying new restaurants?
Who loved randomly meeting people in far off places?
Who loved the feel and vibration of life music?
Who craved art like her life depended on it?
No where.
She was the exact same person.
So why then do all of my own goals, and hopes and dreams, and aspirations have to change?
She never left, right?
“Oh, it’s because now that you’re a mother your life now only revolves around your child.”
Well let me tell you I’ve had my share of compromising. I know my child didn’t chose this life that he was given. So when it it comes to taking care of him, I do my best. I’m the best mother I can be for him. Over the past 10 years, I’ve filled in the role of 2 parents when my spirit only had space for a one-parent gig. I’ve been the disciplinarian and the comforter. I’ve been the fun parent and the strict parent. I’ve been the loving parent. I’ve been the drop off at grandma’s for the weekend parent. I’ve been the “leave me alone for the next 2 hours” (because I’m an introvert and I don’t get a chance to recharge alone) parent. I’ve always had to be ON. I’ve done the tutoring. I’ve taken him to music lessons. I’ve taken him to countless Santas. We’ve gone roller blading, we’ve gone to laser tag. We’ve done the petting zoo and the jump houses. I’ve been the nurse, teacher, banker, friend, coach, life guard, pastor, you name it. And I love it all.
This isn’t to say I’m complaining about my life as a parent. I love my kid beyond measure. But my point is I’ve been there through it all. “Well that’s just stuff you’re supposed to do for him” the haters will say. And I wouldn’t argue at all with that.
But I’ve put in my time.
I’m not going to apologize when it comes to giving back to me. Giving myself back the space to recover. To find myself again. To take those solo trips. To date myself. To love on me. To let my friends pour back in to me when I need it. Yes, I date. Yes, I have fun alone. And yes, I’m a loving caring parent who can do both.
I want to feel that it’s ok to be myself and trust that I know how to also maintain the safety of my child. So I ask, why is it taboo to enjoy life as a single person?
Do the things that you love to do, momma. Live the life of your dreams without having to explain why to other people.
Be bold for yourself just as much as you are for your child. Fight for yourself just as much as you would fight for them. We’re no good to our child in pieces, rather than being whole. So put yourself back together in any fashion necessary. Book the solo trip. Sign up for the dance class. Attend the concert by yourself. Love yourself immensely so that your child or children can say “my momma loved herself just as much as she loved me.”
Love always,
Momma Naturalista
i have read from the beginning to end and very moving thoughts. yet i would like to quote a two lines from dahlia
ravikovitch famous israeli poet
"what will become of you in the end, my child,
and what will become of me?"
meaning of life is freedom