Women as a whole are superheroes. No matter in what fashion or function we serve in society, we are all superheroes in our own right. This post is all about honoring yourself as a mother.
We as women have had to use labels that society gives us, that we do wear proudly and boldly. Society has used these labels to try and define us, by giving us a status.
Society tells us we are mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, friends, colleagues, lovers, mistresses. Oh, and wives.
These labels were meant to define our worth, give us a place in society, and have others view us from the place we hold in a family. As if we are being told our worth, and we couldn’t make that determination on our own.
But I see a different reality taking place among women today, all over the world. We’re collectively taking back these labels, empowering ourselves and other women, and redefining these roles for ourselves. We’re not letting a society built on maleness and patriarchy define us or our values anymore.
And I love it.
Women today are redefining what it means to be a mother. What it means to be a friend. What it means to be a wife/girlfriend/partner. We’re even redefining our roles in the workplace. We’re demanding workplace and salary equity for us, and if we don’t get them, then we’re leaving and creating something even better.
We are the business owners, highest paid sports agents, the CEOs, the Directors, the CFOs, the Board member presidents, in record numbers, plus the dang Vice President of the United States. I mean, come on now! 👏🏾 and we’re redefining those roles beautifully.
I put this in perspective to say that even if you don’t feel like you’re making an effort in a way you thought you should, your efforts are not going unnoticed. There is a whole younger generation watching you/us, and is becoming inspired by our newly defined power. We’re actively re-writing HERstory in front of their eyes.
No, this isn’t your grandmother’s suffrage either. We’re playing the game society has dealt us, and beating them at it.
My family just lost the living matriarch of our family. She would have been 92 years young this December. I'm her namesake. Our birthdays were 3 days apart. She taught me what it meant to be a woman of God. A family woman. She had a husband who adored her and a family who would (literally) move mountains for her. She defied her own odds and went from being raised on a plantation in rural Mississippi, to making it in the big city of Chicago. That’s where she thrived, went to school, fell in love, and raised a big beautiful family. She lived to see 5 generations under her. She is, and always will be, my rock.
Matriarchs lead the way, don’t they? They set the tone of a family, that we all strive to achieve. They set the bar pretty high, but in a loving way. The matriarch has seen the worst of times, and the best of times. And it’s important not to lose sight of that.
So, as a tribute to my grandma, I’m taking back my own voice. I’m not letting a patriarchal society define what I will value. Not that I ever have, but everything I’ve achieved was based on the patriarch.
I went to school to get a degree because that’s what I was expected to do. Then, getting a job or career based on what someone else determined what my worth was to pay me. Then being somebody’s wife, again-expectation. Then finding myself as a single mom, my parenting doesn’t look the way society tells me I should. But no one ever prepares you to parent a special needs child, so we do so with all the love we can give them, and ourselves.
I’ve achieved so much in my life…that 50 or 60 years ago would probably have been impossible to do as a single Black woman. I’m not going to take this opportunity for granted.
I’m going to speak up for children who can’t speak up for themselves. Im going to speak up on behalf of stressed out single moms. I’m going to advocate for mommas finding themselves and getting their self-care. I’m going to speak up for wellness and health for Black women, because we are a left out demographic.
I’m not going to be afraid to use my voice and speak up for myself any longer. The Lord have me this opportunity and space to speak up, and I want to use this gift. I’m going to advocate for what is right, and against what is wrong. I’m going to live a life on my terms. Move to the country. And just enjoy life.
Because if my grandmother never spoke up for herself and what she needed, then I wouldn’t be where I am today. So mommas, friends, women, all the ladies. I encourage you to use your own voice to establish your own path. You’re a woman with values that matter.
Yes, you may lose some loved ones or friends along the way as you establish your boundaries, but the peace you will experience while walking in your worth will be worth it. New people who will honor and respect your boundaries will find you. Trust me. The road won’t be a lonely one if you let the Lord lead you and stick by morals and values.
But remember to always honor yourself along this process. You’re going to miss parts of yourself- the old you who used to be a people pleaser. The old you who used to give to others before pouring into yourself first. The old you who’s life revolves around her kids, but never made time for herself.
Yes, honor the new you as you find yourself. Be gentle with yourself, just as much as you are with others. Your children. Your elderly parents. Your needy family members.
Give yourself love first, momma. Then pour out from your overflow. Just like Eary did.
Rest in Heaven Grandma. I love you
Always,
Momma Naturalista
My God strengthen your family during this trial.