As I’m winding down my day to sit and write this blog post, I have just finished a laborious job search through Indeed and LinkedIn, contemplated updating my LinkedIn profile (again) to be more marketable (to which audience, I haven’t figured out yet), still over here thinking about which country I would like to move to, and how I can afford to stop working for about 6 months to live my “career break” goals and travel with my son.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy working, I enjoy having a career that makes a difference to society, and I appreciate my skills and talents for where they have gotten me in my career.
But I have to be real and ask, “Is all of this worth it? Is this what I’m really getting up everyday for? To live someone else’s dream?” My head is filled with questions like these on an hourly basis. As I see my social media feed filled with Black women (the young and the seasoned) living out their best lives, traveling to foreign countries, meeting up with groups of strangers while connecting over music and a glass of wine, playing with dolphins and elephants… I ask myself, “What am I doing wrong?”.
No, I don’t believe that these influencers are influencing ME to go visit these places, per sé. But I do feel compelled to re-examine the things I have in my life and really decide what is for me.
Do I want to continue in a career where I am only half fulfilled? Do I want to answer to someone else in a career that dictates every aspect of my daily life? Or do I want to live for me on my terms, and what would that even look like?
One thing that the pandemic has taught me is to take care of myself and my son first. That is all that I can control, and I have to live everyday intentionally. It really forced me to examine the things that I have in my life, the “stuff” I’ve accumulated, and what takes up most of my time.
I can’t even say that at this point we are even out of the pandemic. Although we may not be as restricted as we once were two years ago, we are certainly feeling the after-effects of this “new-normal.” Everything has been shaken up, from prices, to mask vs no-mask, to booster vs no-booster, schooling options for kids, and remote-work life slowly starting to come to an end.
Over the last two and a half years, I’ve had to reinvent my life. Not on purpose, but out of survival. I had to be mindful of my acquaintances and the content I consumed, I had to choose (and leave) jobs to preserve my mental health, and mothering and the stress of parenting a child with special needs went up a whole-notha level. It took me awhile to realize this, but having a neurodiverse child is like parenting two kids in one. There are two conditions I have to manage, his ADHD and his ASD. Two different types of doctors for each condition. The decision to medicate or not to medicate. Health and nutrition concerns. Social skills and learning how to navigate friendships. All times two! Not to mention challenges from my own mental health and social circles (which I touched on my previous blog posts). Everything was on the table to get reexamined. Everything felt intensified, yet slowed down during the height of the pandemic. And now that the world is coming back to life, things, I feel, are still intense.
However one thing that has seemed to change that does not have any momentum of slowing down is this quit-culture. Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely here for it. This pandemic has forced us to sit down, stay home, and figure out our shit. Literally.
These days, it is not uncommon to hear someone mention leaving their regular 9-5 (but let’s be real though, 8-6) for remote work, starting online-based businesses, and figuring out how to be financially independent. Folks started to realize that now is the time to have multiple streams of income, and value more of the irreplaceable moments in their lives.
With the rise of remote work, we realize that we don’t have to commute just to slave away in a cubicle and try to figure out which ratchet co-worker stole our lunch from the breakroom (again).
No, with remote working, we now have options. We can stay home, in some cases with our children, and re-imagine life. Now, don’t get me wrong. I do realize that staying at home was not a safe or practical situation for a lot of people, including women and children in DV situations. That is a different conversation, but I wanted to acknowledge that as a hardship for a lot of people. The group of individuals I’m referring to are the ones, like myself, who realize that we don’t have to sacrifice home life and child-raising over our career and work priorities.
I think it’s safe to say that the world got to experience how important and precious our mental health really is. It’s no longer something that we can afford to ignore or put off. It is an important part of us that needs to be addressed because it’s right in front of us. So mental health and mental wellness became the primary factor in a lot of people’s career decision-making. Folks starting asking…How does this activity impact my mental health? Is this something that’s going to serve me? Am I going to feel fulfilled out of doing this? What would I rather be doing, and who would I rather be doing it with?
People no longer were accepting less than, but only full soul-serving activities and experiences, and this includes our work. Many were able to leave jobs and find better places that fit all of their needs.
I can say for myself, I left two jobs due to my own mental health needs. These types of jobs were only impacting my mental health, and not serving me in the new life I was creating for myself (remember that life I was creating out of survival?). To say I regret any of it for taking a temporary-remote job would be completely false. I’ve learned so much about myself over these last 2 and a half years, and I know that there is only more to come.
For now, I’m embracing a path of “Ok Belinda, what’s next?”. Where do I want to go, what types of experiences do I want to have? Is being a remote-worker a setback for me because it’s taken me away from a network of people? Or has it only strengthened me into becoming more of the woman, mother, colleague, friend, daughter, sister, badass that I am meant to be?
I don’t know the next part of my journey, but I’m figuring out each part day by day. I’ve decided to stop making decisions for the future, and just focus on how I want to feel today. Yes, I still book concert tickets 3 months in advance (solo I might add) because that it was feeds my soul at that moment. I don’t know who will be in my life, and what new friends I will encounter. But I’m here to embrace it all. Each moment. Day by day.
And I look forward to what that version of myself will experience.
My encouragement to you is to live for yourself today and honor her needs. If you need to laugh, then go laugh; if you need a strong gut-wrenching cry, then go for it. If you need to dance and shout it out, then put on that trap song or gospel track. Live empowered and don’t let your life be limited by the possibilities that you can only see in front of you, but in the joy in the moments that are coming to you.
Live empowered mama.
Love always,
Momma Naturalista
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