In the age of having access to so much information, a view into people’s lives who we never would have met, or seeing someone similar to you achieving more than you in life, it’s easy to compare your situation to someone else’s. Whether consciously or subconsciously.
I used to compare myself beginning (and my overall journey) to someone else’s success. What I mean by this, I used to view where I wanted to be or envision for myself, to someone else’s finished product. I’d look up workout and fitness trainers and wish that I could do the
I used to spend a lot of time comparing myself to other people. Whether I realized it or not, in some way, I expected my journey to look like someone else’s. I compared my beginning to their experienced journey. When I was married, when I was getting a divorce, when I interacted with friends and family, down to even the type of mother I am. Even now with having a special needs child.
I expected my journey to look like someone else’s instead of going at my own pace.
But now in this journey, I am more focused than ever.
Running in my own lane has taken me a while to figure out, but I’m glad that I’m running at my own pace. Taking my time, and learning myself every step of the way.
Everyday is a new opportunity to stretch myself and grow even more. Learning how to embrace all of who I am, without the pressure to be further than where I am now. Or even at another point in my or someone else’s journey. But truly appreciating where I am now.
I can only grow at my own pace. But growing on spiritual maturity is what’s most important for me now. I’m accepting the wisdom that the Lord has given me, and learning the lessons that He has intended for me.
Giving up Comparison through a Growth Mindset:
Growth mindset isn’t necessarily a new term, but it is being used more widely and in more common places, such as church, schools, and the workplace. Having a growth mindset is the key to determining where your journey is taking you. Learning where you’ve been, and then deciding where you are going. It’s recognizing that, in this moment, you don’t know everything that you need to know, and you are open to learning more. Having a growth mindset takes you to a place of accepting the new, while still appreciating the old.
Carole Dweck, author of “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success”, defines a growth mindset as being open-minded, having a desire to learn by embracing challenges, persists in the face of setbacks, see effort as the path to mastery, learns from criticism, and finds lessons and inspiration in the success of others. These all lead to higher levels of achievement.
Yet, when we compare ourselves to others so much that we try to reach the same goals that they have, or focus on their results, versus their journey, then we lose sight of our own paths. We hinder ourselves from learning what success looks like and feels like for us. In doing so, we also miss out on the many lessons along the way. Lessons that only life can teach us.
Your ‘right now’ vs ‘not yet’
I feel like when we focus on what someone else has, and comparing ourselves to what we don’t or what we lack, we miss the lesson and the beauty of our situation as it is.
The Bible teaches us to praise Him no matter what. Even as we go through trials and hard times, the Bible is constantly reminding us to praise the Lord and to thank you while we’re still going through it.
I believe that’s not only because we know that whatever it is, God is going to bring us out of it, but also to remind us that there is a lesson in everything that we are going through. There is something for us to learn, and until we do, God is going to keep us there in that lesson. We’re praising Him because we know that this situation, however hard it may seem, is teaching us an important lesson or skill that we’re going to need in the future.
So instead of asking God, “Why is this happening to me?” we can ask Him, “Lord, what are you trying to teach me?” or even better, “Lord, use me. Have your way with me in this season so that I can share my blessings with others.”
God wants us to be appreciative of the lessons that He is taking us through, not to burden us, but to build up our strength, our resiliency, and to use us for His good.
If we only focus on the right not, we’re going to miss the lessons that God has for us in the future. Maybe we need to build up resiliency to adversity, like needing to advocate for our children, standing up to a rude co-worker, advocating for yourself at work to your boss, or simply dealing with a difficult person in your life. Maybe the peace that you gained from learning to handle your emotions in tough situations, is the exact lesson you need to learn when you wake up early to discover your car has been vandalized in your driveway (true story!). Ok, that last one was more personal to me, but you get the idea.
My point is, don’t focus on the situation at hand, but have a growth mindset to know that your situation is temporary, the stress and pain you feel now will pass, and God wants to use you in this season to only get stronger and grow your faith in Him.
Let Him use you, momma. Know that pain will not always last long and that better is on the way.
Love Always,
Momma Naturalista
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